It’s interesting that of all of the attributes in human nature that can damage a spouse and those we love. Spiritual Pride is the most damaging of all in a Christian Marriage. It can destroy the trust of a spouse in seconds. It can destroy a relationship between a husband and wife, a dad and a daughter, sons and a father. There is nothing else in existence that is as singularly destructive to the wielder and to those around them.
As with all of my opinion pieces this one is strictly based on my opinions and experiences. Now looking back over my experience with Spiritual Pride I remember once in our early married life my spouse wanted for us to pray together. I was too proud at the time of my knowledge of the faith to simply allow her close to me. So being quite off hand with her I declined to pray. I think I may have acceded to her wishes a number of times but I made it plain that I was above this petty nonsense.
As you can imagine she was hurt that I would even behave in this way. Where was the nice guy she married. Where was the love and why was I afraid to let her get close to me? At the time I thought little of it but after years of witnessing the consequences of pride that started way back then. I can tell you that you tolerate your personal spiritual pride at your peril.
To understand this we need to understand the emotional differences between men and women. When it comes to spiritual pride in a man it usually arises at the end of a sequence of other events. First a man gets anxious over something. It could be a work event or the behaviour of his spouse or a child. Then that anxiety results in frustration and the frustration in anger. The anger is stored or repressed and then you have a man with a bomb in his heart.
If he is sensible he will find someone to talk about it with and get help to defuse the bomb. That someone could be the love of his life who loves him deeply and has born his children or it could be a wise friend or, it could be in prayer with a wise God.
If he’s not sensible then he’ll continue to hang on to the anger and one day either his wife or a child will do something that he doesn’t approve of and they become the target for that unstable rage that he has stored in his heart. If he is a Christian then he will most probably attach that rage to a perceived violation of instructions for women and children in the bible.
He won’t be so bothered about the fact that he is instructed to love his wife as he loves himself. He won’t be to worried that the bible says not to provoke your children less they become discouraged. So our genius has a fit of temper and in the most condescending of ways attacks the focus of his spiritual rebuke. Telling them how they don’t measure up to his or God’s standards. The results to the faith of the spouse or child can be catastrophic. It can even be faith ending. The simple violation of their trust is enough to quench the faith of many a believer.
A married woman carries with her a wonderful gift that God has given her which she will give to the man she loves with all of her heart. When Adam and Eve fell in the Garden of Eden one of the consequences was that God said to Eve “Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you.” This may sound like a punishment but it is something that I have witnessed many times. Women in love have a way that they look at their husbands. They are one hundred percent in love and devoted to that man. I tell you it is a gift of God given by a woman to her man.
Spiritual Pride can destroy that gift. If you attack your beloved over bible doctrine and the position of a woman in the Church and accuse her (throw her under the bus), of not being submissive to you. You run the risk of losing her love. Spiritual Pride is like hydrochloric acid spilt on steel. It will burn it’s way through a relationship like a hot knife through butter.
Spiritual Pride used against a seemingly disobedient daughter will drive them away from the family and into the arms of a waiting boy friend. Who usually has only one interest in your daughter and it is not about her eternal security. It can severely weaken the faith of a son if you attack your spouse from a perspective of spiritual pride or for that matter drive their sister or brother away from home on that basis.
My advice to anyone is to take care when taking the pompous and pious high road of Spiritual Pride. Advice to anyone considering a judgemental, legalistic attack against a family member or a brother or, sister in the faith. Pride tends to tap into the fruit of flesh which is hatred, loathing, despising, anger, viciousness, selfishness and condemnation. The result is always same. The destruction of relationships and in the end being selfish and alone.
It comes back to understanding what Peter and Paul were saying to women in the Church and to their husbands. Ephesians 5:22-24 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Saviour of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
1 Peter 3:1 “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives..”
Ephesians 5:25-29 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
1 Peter 3:7 “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honour to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”
For me it always comes back to what the apostle John had to say in 1 John 4:7-11 “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
Our Lord and Saviour put it like this. Mark 12:28-31 “Then one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, perceiving that He had answered them well, asked Him, “Which is the first commandment of all? Jesus answered him, “The first of all the commandments is: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbour as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Notice Paul’s instruction to husbands “Husband love your wives as you love yourself.”
When next your feeling a little Spiritually Proud. Remember “Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought to love one another. Compliance comes from God and judgement belongs to God. Our job is to spread the gospel and to share the love. Helping God win souls to Jesus. One soul at a time.
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