The Fearful Believer

 I’m speaking in this article to other believers. I don’t know how you find life but for various reasons I have glass half empty world view despite of being a Christian. I can remember being very young and looking at my older siblings and being fearful that I would not be able to do the things they were doing. They were leaving school and starting work at the time and the responsibilities they faced terrified me.

Just to add to this my father died when I was a child and the personal and shared grief of that event left its mark on the entire family. My mother was left with seven children and a farm business to run. She remarried and that had an almost tidal effect on the family. I went to boarding school which was a wonderful thing but I didn’t think so at the time.

A few years later we moved to the Rotorua area to a dairy farm here and my mother didn’t shift so well. She ended up suffering from coronary heart disease and we almost lost her. God really blessed us though and she lived well into her eighties in the end. This was a happy and a sad time in my life which I look back on fondly. I didn’t realise at the time, though, that I had begun to develop an attitude of fearfulness.

In Church, the common preaching of the time focused on the near return of the Lord and the likely beginning of the Tribulation time, being near at hand. There was also a tendency among Christians to frown on others who expressed concern about the negativity of this message. So if you had doubts you were made to feel guilty for what was essentially deemed to be unbelief. So as well as already being fearful you now felt emotionally oppressed and confused also.

As the years passed and I began to seek ways of changing that negative outlook. Some of this involved questioning Christian perspectives that I had previously accepted without question. This related to some of the ultra conservative thinking in the evangelical church at the time about attitudes to child discipline, bible versions and even negativity itself. This took a while but I had seen a conflict between the attitudes of Jesus in the Gospels and the thinking in my Christian circles for sometime. I would say that this is continuing even now. A favourite scripture in this vein is 1John 4 verses 18-19 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us.

Twenty years ago I decided for a number of reasons to change careers. I left dairy farming and entered a degree course in teacher training. I hoped at the time that this would help set us off on a new journey. It did this but at a personal level, being an introvert with a negative outlook on life. Changing careers caused as many problems as it solved. Teaching is a confidence game and requires enormous self belief. It can also create equally enormous self doubt.

So, the career change was a good thing for the family but a mixed bag for me. In terms of developing a wider knowledge of life and empathy with others it has been incredibly successful. I would have to say though that I now have less self confidence and self esteem than I did when I started this journey. I am even more cautious and introverted than I was and being with large groups of people while teaching is emotionally draining..

So, that question again. What can I do to change this situation and make myself into a glass half full person. Well I never forget God has a plan and even if things don’t seem to be going how I would like them. He has a purpose in bringing me through these trials that he has seen fit to challenge me with.

Back in 2010 my son, who has Williams Syndrome discovered a little Reformed Presbyterian Church plant that was meeting in the school hall of the local primary school where my wife works. He began to attend there and I only lightly supported him as I wanted him to do this for himself. These awesome folks took my boy to their hearts and really cared for him and became his church home.

About two years ago I began to attend a bible study with some teacher friends and my son came along to that as well. I was thinking of ways to stretch myself and develop a more positive attitude. Now I was feeling that I needed to take a step in faith. I guess the Lord was pointing me to get more involved with the Church.

In support of my son I began to attend Grace Presbyterian with him but it was important for me as well. This has been a big challenge for me as it has required self confidence, self esteem and the courage of my convictions. I was raised congregational and Grace Church is all about the Reformed Tradition. We still maintain a connection with the bible study group of my teaching friends although this has been stretched with the commitments at Grace. But the point is that God is working in our hearts and  is healing the lack of self confidence, esteem and introversion in me. Largely through the prayer support of friends at Church and being in a nurturing environment with a loving church family.

Just a final word. The scriptures contain many promises of God relating to fearfulness. These are very valuable sources of encouragement in my walk as I seek the peace and security in Christ Jesus. Below are a few of the verses that have helped me to become more positive and grounded in the love of God.

Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ESV

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” ESV

Psalm 27:1 Of David. The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? ESV

Romans 8:38-39 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. ESV

Psalm 94:19 When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul. ESV

1Peter 5: 6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. ESV

Luke 12: 22-26 And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? ESV

Proverbs 3: 5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. ESV

Psalm 46:1 To the choirmaster. Of the Sons of Korah. According to Alamoth. A Song. God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. ESV

2 Thessalonians 3:16 Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all. ESV

Isaiah 26:3 You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. ESV

Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. ESV

You can find these verses using a favourite study tool of mine https://www.openbible.info/ which renders verses via a topical search engine from the ESV bible. When I’m feeling a bit down I often use openbible.info to find these verses for me again. It’s not that a verse gives you power necessarily just that they remind you of the love and care that God feels and brings to us as his children. Gradually He is changing my heart and breaking the shackles of fear in my life.